Looking you smiling from my seat through the glass blinds, my
mind hurtles back in time when same smile meant something completely different
to me. Merely a month ago, you were the most irreproachable lady on earth, further
to a pearl inside an oyster or a diamond deep inside the earth somewhere –
somewhere where no one had access to. I used to fanaticize you all the time. At
least 18 hours a day for straight 6 months and we could never dare to touch
even the smallest finger of each other. I was in love with the screen of your
phone that you used to touch, to type a message on WhatsApp for me. I had
internet package on two SIMs in spite of having Wi-Fi at office and home to
make sure not a single reply to your message is loitered.
Since the day you were hired by this company, my perception
has changed drastically. I see you getting help from that guy in the office who
appears to be into you clearly. I see you sitting by him all the time. I see
you sharing smiles with him. I see your smiles converting into laughter. I see
you downstairs sharing moments with him. And I see you changing your seat to
get closer to him now and then.
No.
I’m not jealous of your happiness. You got best smile in the
world that have been enlightening my lonely nights for months. They have
special effect on my, every time I see you smiling, it takes me back to my
fantasy world – a world that was perfect, where nobody existed but you and me.
Where, every moment meant happiness, love, peace and shelter – from outer
world, from people who could snatch you from me, or who could interfere in our
lives, the way they are doing now, seamless for you, an ocean of complications
for me, that I have to swim every day from morning to evening.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being subject of any of those
hundreds of laughter you share with him daily, that you don’t remember, or
don’t care to remember. I’m afraid, I’ll no more be there even as a story that
you could share with him but once.
-Hey!, this is forth cigarette you are smoking in a row,
stop it.
I can’t stop, I like smoke of the cigarette, since it
resembles me. It dissipates slowly but forever, the way, I’m dissipating from
her memory slowly – slowly – slowly, in the form of laughter...
