Let Me Read You

I have had enough looking at your cover page. You look interesting to me, in fact developing this strange urge inside me to explore you over and over again discovering every magic you hold that got no match at all. A magnet that drives me insane while you’re there on the shelf with thousand other books. I dared not to touch you earlier, imagining about your hidden places wildly. I can’t do it anymore, I have to cross this wall of imaginations into reality, where I can know true self of yours.

I promise to touch you softly, reading you thoroughly from your cover to the last page understanding everything written between the lines. I promise, I’ll not judge you by your cover photo, paying all my attentions to the beauty that lies among your pages, among your lines, among your words.

I promise to turn myself into the character as you’ll command on the way, being happy after you, being sad after you.

Just let me inhale that arousing smell of yours, bringing you closer to my face, while I still got some control over my senses.

Let me place bookmark of me inside you. A bookmark that will advance page to page all the way to the end and then starting over again and again until I have touched every page of yours, read every single line of yours, repeated every single word of yours.

I promise to keep you around all the time, throwing all the other readings away, beside me, over my pillow, dreaming about you while asleep, feasting my nostrils with your scent, making you the first thing I’ll look at on opening my eyes in the morning while sunrays will be dancing over your face, waking you up to a kiss making rays go away.

I promise not to correct any of your mistakes, not suggesting improvements from any aspects of yours while turning myself all according to you, according to your words, according to your ways.

I promise to read you again and again with same level of excitement, turning you page by page, till your end, holding you close, against my heart.

I’ll talk to you in long dark nights of winders placing you beside me on the bed, taking you out to the roof in summers where moonlight will admire my choice, morning stars will mourn on their fate that could never bring them closer to you as me.

Just let me read you, touch you, smell you, feel you and explore you, for that is what I have cherished in my heart long time from now.

Confession

On that hot summer day in June, after your last lecture at 3pm, your dad couldn’t come to pick you up for he had some meeting back at office and you hired a rickshaw to get back home. I had followed you throughout the way home to ensure the security.

You were late in first lecture of Business Ethics and you had to wait outside the class alone for entire 45 minutes. The teacher never banned your entry after that day, although you were late more often. I had threatened teacher anonymously, not to close the door during his lecture or he’ll have to face the consequences.

I was always late in subject selection on the start of every semester and would pay a handful of fine each time. I wasn’t dumb, I just wanted to go after your choice, to spend time around you. To see you rolling that ball pen between your teeth, arguing with teachers and enjoying this false feeling of you arguing with your parents in my favor.

We used to play cards on Tuesdays and Thursdays because there was gap of 2 hours between lectures of Digital Marketing and Risk Management. The loser would take everyone to pizza and I was the loser, the entire semester. I used to intentionally play foolish to take you on a secret pizza date.

Remember that last trip to the lack? Your foot tripped and you fell down into the water? It wasn’t your foot, I had pushed you down the rock to rescue you in the water. To get closer. To Touch the same water that had just touched your body, to make you push yourself towards me and put your arms around my neck insanely.

Remember that job fair on graduation day? We were selected into same company but I never joined. It was too heavy for me to be around you. Knowing, you had shared your pillow with someone, made breakfast to someone and let him explore your body and soul and I would be nowhere in your books anymore but a colleague.

Remember that last meeting? You asked me to pray for your future as you were gonna marry that stranger following your parents will and I promised to do that? I haven’t, till date. Now that I know you’ve been buttoning up someone else’s shirt for 2 years, yet I fail to pray for you. I still expect you back.

You Were A Dream

You can’t be real, I knew from the very first day I saw you. It was a hot summer afternoon that I saw you and couldn’t take my eyes off for a while. It was unbelievable how a person can possess such unique beauty. Everything around seemed colorful in that shadowy hot noon while your presence ignited cool breeze all around me carrying your scent along with it. It’s not that I hadn’t seen a prettier lady before, but you had that magnetic walk that drew me closer like no one else.

I somehow made it possible to be around you for a month or so and all that time, I knew it was a dream. I couldn’t sleep all those nights and dreamt while you were around, throughout the days. I started loving tea because you loved it, I knew. I was always 30 minutes early to office to follow you on the way and to enjoy this feeling of being alone with you in the room. I could never take my eyes off those glassy windows once you left the office chasing you till you were off the sight and then picturing you on your way home scared of this thinking about someone who’ll look into your eyes and will fall for you.

We used to talk about minor things on Facebook and it kept me alive to know, I’m still there in a tiny portion of your brain. And this feeling would overcome me throughout the night, converting every wish into dream, bringing you closer. You were all I’d been dreaming about all those nights, you were all I’d been thinking about all those days.

The day, I was no more a friend of you on Facebook was the day I stopped dreaming, ending up realizing it wasn’t you who was in my dreams, it was you who itself was a dream. I feel like being abandoned in the middle of Sahara, having no clue to the destination, looking at rising sandstorms all around me, turning my eyes into stones.

How can a dream be so fierce? May be you weren’t a dream, may be you were too good to believe, too good to bear, too good to be around. 

I Think I Made You Up

Inside my head, inside my heart, I think I made you up.

Remember the days, we were together? It was a formal relationship, wasn’t it? We hardly talked a couple of sentence, we never had meal together and sharing the bed was out of question. Then one day, surrendering to your quest for better, you left me all of a sudden.

But.

You’ve been walking with me all the time. Appreciating me on my achievements, scolding on mistakes. I have never made a choice without your consent ever since. I even read you out a few letters from ‘The perks of being a wallflower”. You recommended ‘The Sorrows of Young Werther’ to read next. I have read 50 pages and it’s a great book. We had a long discussion on ‘The Stranger’ on coffee table last night. I watched the ‘The perks of being wallflower’ yesterday. The movie is nothing as compared to the book. You know why? Emma Watson can’t be your substitute.

I’ve been discovering the hidden edges of your body every night. Every time I kiss you, your grip around my body intensifies as if, we’ll mingle to one. Tasting the inside of your lips and exchanging breaths, we sleep every night. You, facing me, with your left leg over my thighs, resting your head on my left arm, listening ‘Asleep’ by The Smiths. Next morning, while you’re busy making breakfast, I inhale each and every drop of your scent spread all over the bed like addicts.

It’s been six months, we haven’t met. We didn’t even exchange a single text message, yet you’re there, around me all the time. May be I should stop imagining you and learn to live without you. May be you’re around that I am failing miserably to believe a reality. May be I should stop drinking to get over your thoughts or may be drinking more is the solution. In any case, I want you around.

The one I have made up, around me, in real sense.