I'm a Writer

I’ve been standing out here for last fifteen minutes. I see you smiling sarcastically in there, through these glassy walls, which are nothing less than Himalaya for me that needs to be crossed barefooted to reach temple on the other side, a temple that has solutions to all my problems. Failing to reach the temple, which looks inevitable, based upon your behavior towards me, will abandon me into a mist of darkness, a darkness that will fill my whole life, suspending all my abilities to see, feel, touch, smell and hear but all about you.

I may not be the same once I walk a step back, I may change my mind about the humanity, I may lose interest in anything out there, I may look crazy to most of the people, I may cease to understand so many things, the things I had firm believe in, throughout my life, but, I’ll not step back from this desire of bringing you into my life, the life which seems of no use, otherwise.

I’ll make you dust my house in the morning, make me coffee, butter my bread and do the dishes while I’ll be away for work. I’ll make you crave for me on lunch, waiting prudently to open the door, hold my bag, take off my blazer and unbutton my shirt. I’ll scold you once you’ll unbalance salt in the food, kiss your forehead to bring you back to normal, have dinner with me in candle light, iron my shirt for next day, and return to me on bed by the time the darkness would have covered all the light out there, all the light in here.

I’ll kiss your neck, arousing you impatiently to have more, to kiss more, to touch more. I’ll break your nightgown shoulder strap, making you naked, inviting all of my belonging to witness the most spectacular scene of this universe. I’ll slip my hand down there, sending shivers down your spine, forcing you to place your lips over mine, rubbing tongues. I’ll kiss you good bye in the morning, making you crave for me while you’ll set the bed sheet, we put wrinkles to last night, making you remember all the beautiful memories we made there, forcing you to wish for more the next night.

I’m a writer, I’ll make you do whatever I want, in my stories. And my dearest, that’s where we are meeting again, until I’m consumed by these stories, and there’s nothing left of me, but You.

The Imagination

There must be a way to prevail over all your senses, snatching every corner of your mind occupied by that lady who has never been into your arms. The one you talked to, for ten minutes under that burning sun of Summer on the way to university some 5 years back. I have been around for so long. We have shared thousands of laughers, thousands of sorrows, thousands of silences and you’re still into her fantasy. 

Tell me a day, I didn’t wish you Good Morning, tell me a day we met and I didn’t kiss you. Tell me a night I have slept without having you in my dreams, tell me a night we met we didn’t sleep with twisted legs. I can still taste your saliva under my tongue, can still smell your scent in my shirts. I have saved your broken button into my handbag for ages, your cigarettes under my pillow, your tie in my closet. 

Anywhere I go, I see a memory we made together on that road. Everything I eat, I remember how you liked it. Everyone I meet, I compare him to you. You are all around me, from morning coffee to hectic day routine to that bath tub to those silky pillows of my bed where we have been undressing each other for so long. From my dreams to imaginations to fantasy, you occupy my every second, every move, every place, everything. 

I’m can’t handle it anymore, I have to be that girl, the one who stays with you, even while I’m around. 

You can’t, my love. You have an expiry. You’re supposed to go, now or then, one way or the other. She has gifted me with this ability to imagine her, through which I have painted a sweet picture of hers, and who, in the world dares to destroy so sweet picture of a lady. Since the time I met her, the sun, the moon and the stars may pursue their journey, I bother not whether you are here or away, the whole world sums up to nothing but her smile, painted by my imagination, the smile which have been all around me for years, without questioning my sincerity, unlike you, my love.

Marry

Fifteen minutes of talk, twenty seconds of laughters and five seconds of eye contact was all we had and I was in love with her.

“hey, saw that girl, had she not been married already, I would have proposed her”, said my friend.

“You can still have her company on her way back home”, said I.

How?

Give me your phone

“Hi Marry, should I drop you home”, I texted from my friend’s phone.

“Sure”.

“Go drop her, she’s all yours for next 10 minutes”.

I could see her going with my friend, her hand on his shoulder, her thighs touching his back. She looked at me for a second, then t hurned her gaze to the sky, like she was thankful, like she was asking so many questions, like she held heavenly fire deep inside those rich dark eyes.

“So, how was the ride”, I asked my friend.

“Ride”?

“There have been so many of them, we have met thrice in last two months. I had this honor to feel her murmur, listen to her gossips, her hands pushing me away, then pulling me over her next second. We have been to unknown places, experiencing unknown feelings together, hiding under my blanket together, turning the shower on together”.

Heaven knows, with what ecstasy I listened to him, feeling each and everything they had gone through in past days. Yet, something was missing, like I had put a house on fire and was looking around for people to appreciate how I lit up that small village, which never needed that light.

“Where’s marry”, asked our program manager on get together.

“She had a personal problem, she can’t join us”, told a lady from her office.

“Look guys, we meet every three months and evaluate your work. Decisions for next quarter are made and one who doesn’t show up, can’t be expected to perform up to desired level”, said the manager.

“She would never show up”, said her colleague in low voice.

I rushed to her to inquire about the remarks she had made during the session.

” She’s fighting for her life in hospital. She had to go through abortion since her husband was abroad for last two years”.

I could literally feel the earth slipping under my feet, like the sky was falling over my head, like everyone was cursing me for lighting up the village.

“hey marry!, I’m sorry”, I leaned forward to hold her hand.

She turned her moistened eyes over me, placing her hand over mine said, “I knew from day one, I knew it’s you”.

“I had no other choice but to meet him, since you initiated this relationship. I’ve been fantasizing you, every time I met him. I knew, he tells you the stories that make you laugh, so I had to be a reason of your chuckle, even if it was killing me”.

It was more than I could hear. I had profaned her. I bent over, kissed her hand and left.

She was going away. I can never return those smiles, I knew. I had to die in chunks, unlike she did whole. I had to go through the same pain for decades, before I could die peacefully, like her.